(Poem) I Have Carved Your Name Into My Breastplate

Another brand new poem, exclusively for subscribers.

I Have Carved Your Name Into My Breastplate

the passing train
rattles the windows
and the pressing dark
between my vertebrae.

what have we done
to each other?

you, now a shadow
stitched to my neck;
arterial rust blooming
beneath my skin.

i am sorry for not
being braver,

for not being able
to love you
in the way
you wanted me to.

(for never being able
to love myself).

—-

None of these poems are easy to write, but some are harder to pull from my chest than others. Some require a sacrifice before they can make it to the page, and this is one such poem.

Relationships are not easy. Even when you’re sure it’s the right one, time and circumstance can fracture the foundations, until there’s nothing you can do to stop every part of it from crumbling. And yet, we know nothing if not the search for someone to share our lives with, and no matter how many times your heart is broken, there always seems to be more for you to give, eventually.

And so here I am, again. Shinbones scraping concrete; another name etched into the back of my throat, another woman I couldn’t get to stay.

The truth is, I’m not so sure how much more of me there is to lose. I’m not sure how much more I can lose. Sacrifice simply cannot work as a habit, and my ribs are heavy from the weight.

The only thing I’m really sure of, is that the next name to find its way behind my teeth will be the last one, no matter how it ends. And this is the risk all of us take to find someone, these are the people we were made to be.

Yours

Blake

—-

You can now pre-order Murmuration from retailers worldwide, including Barnes and Noble, Amazon (US), Amazon (UK) and Waterstones. You can view a full list of retailers here, along with instructions on how to get my new pre-order bones TEN for free. You can also still grab all three of my existing books at blakeauden.com.